When things line up

So yesterday I was feeling odd. Really odd. I did my process, and it worked really quickly. Very quickly, I was surprised. Really surprised. Then the series of events started. The internet went. For a really long time. A really long time. Very strange. So  worked on the other project..... for a bit. I borrowed some money and went for evening shopping (dinner.)

Everything was really normal, really normal except this thing that kept saying to go a certain way. I have this space I buy tomatoes, it is a bit far off. Which meant I had to pass many other vendors, who sell perfectly good (and cheaper...) tomatoes. ..but the pull was strong. Really strong.  So I went.

On the way, I encountered this guy. He just walked up and said, 'halo', and we started talking. We took a break and talked again for a long time and it was really cool. Really cool. 

He is soo many things that I like. He even nods when speaks, like he is agreeing with himself, and I do it myself. He speaks English actual English.

He could be sample of what I want, or what I want. I have to find a way to relax and enjoy this. But something I have to admit, it is a direct result of me getting to like me better. Actually working at liking me bettter.

Loving my Mother

I have always had a difficult relationship with my Mother. I always loved her, but always doubted her affection for me. She always seemed to prefer anyone, ANYONE, anyone… especially other siblings. I blamed her for all the things I thought were not working in my life. I had many years of just secretly holding onto many resentments, and blaming them all on her. I blame us, but mostly I BLAMED HER!!!! 

I held on to this for many years, many many many years. I don’t know why, I thought this was an acceptable load to carry. I carried this resentment for years. YEARS!!!! YEARS!!!! Wasted years. It took me 5 days to let go of YEARS of resentment of my beloved Mom. 5 days. I wasted YEARS on something I could have worked out in 5 days because it was ‘legitimate’, and ‘I had proof of my resentment’. 

Now I love my Mom. I have forgiven all the bullshit I held for many years.  Some real some made up. Now I don’t care about anything but just loving her, (I actually adore her now) without conditions, and as a result she became someone different. She is nice to me now, she actually behaves like she loves me… it could be me, or her or it could be forgiveness and letting go.