Loving my Mother

I have always had a difficult relationship with my Mother. I always loved her, but always doubted her affection for me. She always seemed to prefer anyone, ANYONE, anyone… especially other siblings. I blamed her for all the things I thought were not working in my life. I had many years of just secretly holding onto many resentments, and blaming them all on her. I blame us, but mostly I BLAMED HER!!!! 

I held on to this for many years, many many many years. I don’t know why, I thought this was an acceptable load to carry. I carried this resentment for years. YEARS!!!! YEARS!!!! Wasted years. It took me 5 days to let go of YEARS of resentment of my beloved Mom. 5 days. I wasted YEARS on something I could have worked out in 5 days because it was ‘legitimate’, and ‘I had proof of my resentment’. 

Now I love my Mom. I have forgiven all the bullshit I held for many years.  Some real some made up. Now I don’t care about anything but just loving her, (I actually adore her now) without conditions, and as a result she became someone different. She is nice to me now, she actually behaves like she loves me… it could be me, or her or it could be forgiveness and letting go.