I have
always had a difficult relationship with my Mother. I always loved her, but
always doubted her affection for me. She always seemed to prefer anyone,
ANYONE, anyone… especially other siblings. I blamed her for all the things I thought
were not working in my life. I had many years of just secretly holding onto
many resentments, and blaming them all on her. I blame us, but mostly I BLAMED
HER!!!!
I held
on to this for many years, many many many years. I don’t know why, I thought
this was an acceptable load to carry. I carried this resentment for years.
YEARS!!!! YEARS!!!! Wasted years. It took me 5 days to let go of YEARS of
resentment of my beloved Mom. 5 days. I wasted YEARS on something I could have
worked out in 5 days because it was ‘legitimate’, and ‘I had proof of my
resentment’.
Now I
love my Mom. I have forgiven all the bullshit I held for many years. Some real some made up. Now I don’t care
about anything but just loving her, (I actually adore her now) without
conditions, and as a result she became someone different. She is nice to me
now, she actually behaves like she loves me… it could be me, or her or it could
be forgiveness and letting go.
