When things line up

So yesterday I was feeling odd. Really odd. I did my process, and it worked really quickly. Very quickly, I was surprised. Really surprised. Then the series of events started. The internet went. For a really long time. A really long time. Very strange. So  worked on the other project..... for a bit. I borrowed some money and went for evening shopping (dinner.)

Everything was really normal, really normal except this thing that kept saying to go a certain way. I have this space I buy tomatoes, it is a bit far off. Which meant I had to pass many other vendors, who sell perfectly good (and cheaper...) tomatoes. ..but the pull was strong. Really strong.  So I went.

On the way, I encountered this guy. He just walked up and said, 'halo', and we started talking. We took a break and talked again for a long time and it was really cool. Really cool. 

He is soo many things that I like. He even nods when speaks, like he is agreeing with himself, and I do it myself. He speaks English actual English.

He could be sample of what I want, or what I want. I have to find a way to relax and enjoy this. But something I have to admit, it is a direct result of me getting to like me better. Actually working at liking me bettter.

Loving my Mother

I have always had a difficult relationship with my Mother. I always loved her, but always doubted her affection for me. She always seemed to prefer anyone, ANYONE, anyone… especially other siblings. I blamed her for all the things I thought were not working in my life. I had many years of just secretly holding onto many resentments, and blaming them all on her. I blame us, but mostly I BLAMED HER!!!! 

I held on to this for many years, many many many years. I don’t know why, I thought this was an acceptable load to carry. I carried this resentment for years. YEARS!!!! YEARS!!!! Wasted years. It took me 5 days to let go of YEARS of resentment of my beloved Mom. 5 days. I wasted YEARS on something I could have worked out in 5 days because it was ‘legitimate’, and ‘I had proof of my resentment’. 

Now I love my Mom. I have forgiven all the bullshit I held for many years.  Some real some made up. Now I don’t care about anything but just loving her, (I actually adore her now) without conditions, and as a result she became someone different. She is nice to me now, she actually behaves like she loves me… it could be me, or her or it could be forgiveness and letting go.

Lurve....

Love... Love oh love... I love love... I really love love. I love everything about love. I love the things that it is. I love the things it produces. I love the way  I feel when I have love.  I love the way my head feels, how my heart feels how my body feels when I feel love. I am always chasing love because I know the power of love. Just pure love. I really believe in love.  I also believe that it is possible to create the feeling of love that it is not just an organic feeling that comes and goes because of particular conditions. I really believe that it is possible to create that feeling of love the feeling of pure love. Why do it... well because it is an amazing feeling, it feels soo good. So good.... and the advantages are immense.

Yes, You can Be Happy... and FAST!!!

So I have a friend... she used to be a good friend... or can I say a , "good friend"... She is fun. Mostly fun. She is mostly open minded and in many ways we have the same way of seeing things. I appreciated her especially because she stuck by me. She stuck by me when the whole world ( literally.... the whole world... including family...... but now that I think about it,   probably was my creation) left me.  Then she changed... or maybe it was me who changed.   She became suddenly hostile. Suddenly she didn't mind  letting me know that she looked down upon me. Lately she was ultra mean, much more than she used to be..  At the same time, I have been working diligently to improve my relationship with me. As a result I have been loving me more.. really looking at me and seeing the good.  I think that is why  I couldn't cope with her anymore. She wanted someone who did not love themselves who would put up with whatever she would throw. Finally yesterday she said she no longer wanted to be friends... I tried to remain her friend but she would not have it...  She was very categorical, we were done.  It felt bad really bad. I felt hurt. I wondered  how long this would take to get over. I wondered when next  I would be happy...

Fast forward to today. I started by deciding that today was going to be a good day. That today.. .today was going to be a good day. I did my happy girl processes and really could not believe how fast it worked... ( I know.. even after 8 years). I got happy... I am still happy... Sometimes swimming in joy, sometimes just positive but I am  happy. I am happy. One day I will forget. One day she will be distant memory but in the meantime; I am happy!

My Good Friend & Her Loves

I have a very good friend.  One I of the most important things in her life is love... well a baby... she has always wanted a baby. To go with the baby she has always wanted a good man to go with it.  She is beautiful so she meets many men.... and for the longest time the story has always been the same. She meets a guy, it is 3 weeks of intense love then nothing...., they disappear leaving her in a puddle of tears.  I tried counselling her on the benefits of love,  love for herself and healing herself rather than looking to others to do it for her, and for the longest time she didn't listen..... One day she did, and her love life changed, dramatically. .... now she is on her way to get married to a man who is more amazing than her dream guy! She can hardly believe it!