Hatred

 Hatred

Well hatred/irritation/anger/discouragement… any emotion that can consume and envelop. Any emotion really that can completely take over you so completely. Any emotion that can take you over completely. 

I have the knowledge that any emotion that we feel will bring something like it into this world. Into the material world. So if I feel angry enough for long enough, other things that make me feel angry show up in my life.  Like if I am angry at let’s say Brian  for lying to me and breaking my heart, other things like that will show up. I will have my spiritual advisor breaking my heart but this time worse, then my boss will fire me for reasons I don’t understand, which will make me angry and break my heart… you get the picture… 

If I want things to change, I have to find a way to feel different. I have to find a way to feel better. I have to forgive all these mofos and let them go completely. I can get my good life back, the life that I can enjoy. It takes focused work. It takes deciding that nothing is more important than that I feel good. And doing everything to ensure that I get to feeling good

I work very hard to do this. I use all my tools, I pray, I write, I meditate, I release. Always with the primary purpose in mind.  

This is my secret to having a happy life with thing coming to me with ease

If You Change the Way You Look at a Thing, the Thing Changes

I always had a complicated relationship with money.  I read all these teachings that getting money is easy, you don’t have to work hard or do things that you dislike to make money…   But that wasn’t my experience.

For most of my life money came with difficulty or perhaps more honestly, irritation.  I didn’t enjoy making money.  I liked what I did with money but making it… no! Most people around me emphasized the back breaking nature of getting money, that it had to be distasteful for it to be a lot. Lately my experience has shifted.

The great gift of pain forced me to do things differently, to look at things differently. It forced me to put my faith in what I have read for so long. That I had to actually put into practice all these things that all these teachers have been teaching me. 

It took some work. I learnt how to let go of the negative beliefs about money.  Just let them go.  Just drop the hang ups that I had put my money where my mouth was. (that was a challenge.)

What was the result? Things began to change. People started to offer me money. I started getting gigs. Fun gigs that paid more for the same amount of work. Things that I actually enjoy doing. I have been feeling moved, pulled toward things that I find joyful (like posting here)

I am really looking forward to seeing where this journey will lead to and really enjoy that too!

If you want to know more, hit me up!

Digging Deep

My whole program is based on feeling good.  Everything that I know and teach is about finding methods to feel good and thereby allow good things to flow into my life. 

Now, I have been struggling with my emotions late.  Feeling good has been hard for me, because of life and things that are in life.  I worked all my processes and not much moved, I got temporary relief not the general joy and happiness which had become my normal. 

Self-pity was becoming my new normal and the manifestations that come with self-pity are not fun or/and exciting manifestations so I knew that action was needed!!! I need to make drastic action to change this course I had put myself in. 

I did a small prayer and the answer came! It was time to dig deep. If I was doing 2, I needed to do 15, if I was doing  30, I needed to do 300.  

Digging deep is a gift that I have recently discovered that my beloved Father bestowed upon me and for which I am grateful. It is especially helpful in situations such as this. And it worked. By evening yesterday I was literally flying! I felt like I was over the moon! Yay! 

Result?  A project that had become hard for me, became super easy to do. I slept in peace and woke  up in joy.  

Feeling good is good

 Feeling good works!

Feeling good works. Feeling good works.  Feeling good when I am able to feel good about something,  anything, or even someone, anything really.  This is especially effective when I can work myself into feeling good, really good, on purpose,  about any subject,  any subject at all, that day for sure, something good will happen. Something unexpected, something that I will enjoy will happen. 

What I do is start wherever I am and work myself up.  I do my excises,  all the ones that will work. The only goal is to feel good.

The good thing is that if I feel good today, I will enjoy today and something good will happen. If I feel good tomorrow, another good thing will happen. If I have extended periods of feeling good than something big and amazing will happen and that is always the goal.

For me the thing that usually happens is that people start offering me money (in exchange for goods or services most times) Many times these things are usually fun and they pay me more money than I usually get for the same.

The problem is usually getting to feel good, and feeling good consistently. Someone told me that I usually have to decide if that thing that is crap is so important that I am willing to give up all the things in my life that I love for them. Usually the answer is “no” (though I usually protest quite a bit!!!!)  Then I work at letting go of that crap thing that is standing in the way of me feeling good and return to feel good and thereby returning to my joyous life! 

Want to learn more? Inbox me or join my whatsapp group

https://chat.whatsapp.com/BDhwQ3ZZXgAEgenx412XLK 

New Life

 I started this work nearly 30 years ago (I know right?!!) and for the most part I didn’t take it seriously for the longest time. I would take it up, work it, and put it down. I always had  limited success. I could always only manage to get a few steps in one direction then it would all stop, as I celebrated past wins for too long or a life event would distract me from the work. 

Sometime back however, the great gift of pain descended upon me. The gift of pain focused me.  It helped me be able to find out exactly what I wanted. It enabled me to focus on that thing that I wanted and also enabled me put to the side all things that did not align with these desires.  

I feel like I became someone else. I made a decision and for the first time in my life I followed through with it. I listened to my teachers and did everything they said to do. I did my practices, I wrote, I was grateful, I forgave, I read. 

At first nothing on the outside happened. On the inside though, things started to happen. I started to notice that I was becoming happier, I started to listen more. I gained more peace, I started to  see me as someone who was useful in this world. I started to like and value myself more. I started having a bit more faith, and slowly I started to give to  trust that actual problems would be resolved and they were. I started to see a correlation between the work that I was doing and the way that I was feeling. 

Other fun things started to happen. I was able to stretch money beyond, beyond! I was able to make money last and last and last ( I am still not sure how even now) I lived that month with such little money and never slept hungry and was fairly happy.  

I also started getting work. People would call me up to give me work. Not really in my core business but work that I could do, and most of it was really a lot of fun. Some of it the people would just inform me that they would pay me a certain amount. That amount was usually higher than what I  would have charged!! (COOL!) So here I was having fun earning and receiving much more than I usually do!! 

Because of this, I started believing for real that it is possible for me (even me!!) to receive money doing what I love. That it was possible for me, (even me!!) to make a fantastic living doing what I enjoy doing. I stopped thinking that  this was the reserve of the special ones but to everyone, every single one of us who is willing to do the work.  Everyone of us who is willing to do the work can be able to make a fantastic living doing what they love.  (AND it is also possible to find out what your purpose on this here earth is and do that be joyful in that and still make a fantastic living)

This month another fun and amazing thing happened, by the 7th of September (this month), I had received more than I received in all of August 2022. I had heard stories but I had never experienced it myself! It was a “WOW!”  moment for me. This really works. This actually, truly works. It wasn’t just an idea. It wasn’t a story. It wasn’t pie in the sky, fantasy, only others get such results thing. I experienced it. I knew it was because of the work that I had done before. I KNEW that if I wanted to stay in this path, then I had to keep doing the work. I have to keep doing the work. AND I know it is my privilege to know what work to do, and also to be able to do it.

I have to admit that there are many action steps to do. It will take a lot of time. It will take dedication and consistency. But that is what I am here for. To offer not only knowledge, but also support. 

If you may be interested in getting to know more about this program, inbox me or join my WhatsApp group.  And we can talk about all the fun and exciting ways to live the life we have always wanted.

https://chat.whatsapp.com/BDhwQ3ZZXgAEgenx412XLK

Letting Go

 

Many years ago I very briefly dated a young man…let’s call him Shuler… (name changed to protect the guilty). We fitted naturally. It was nice, we were like pieces of a puzzle. It was natural. We just fit. On my side there were no insecurities, I just naturally liked him, it was easy. Our conversations were easy. It was a nice short relationship.

 

One night, on a Friday we went out dancing, like on the 3^rd week. It was alright, it was fun and I liked the people we met. At the end of the night I requested to be dropped at my place and everyone kind of ignored me. I was dropped at Shuler’s place with Shuler. At his place, I made a point to mention a bunch of times that I wasn’t ready to be intimate. I realized that there wasn’t going to be a consensus so, I picked up my stuff and left. 

This was around 1 am. I wasn’t really sure where I was.. I just left. He came after me and asked… pleaded with me to come back promising that nothing would happen. I thought about it and agreed to go back with him. Then for reasons I still don’t understand he started raining blows on me. He said that I made him walk out without any foot ware… I don’t know… I fell down as a result of the blows and these turned to kicks.

In the midst of all this I let out a scream. A watchman came to find out what was going on. As they discussed, I again picked up my stuff and walked. I happened to reach the stage, and got a mat to town and another to home (I didn’t have taxi money at that time)

Shuler is kind of famous now. Not that famous but he has name recognition. I know that he beats up women. I read a complaint a short while later from another woman. He is married and has kids and I know she is probably experiencing violence, but that is not my point.

 

My point is that I have let that whole episode go. Completely. When I think about the incident I don’t hold any resentment toward him. I don’t wish him bad things, but I don’t wish him much success either I am just neutral. There is no regret, there is no trauma, no bitterness, there is nothing there. I don’t have a need for revenge. I don’t want him to hurt, to be hurt because of what he did to me. It didn’t change my opinion of men. I don’t look at men and think they may hurt me, because he did.

 

All I feel is gratitude that his violence came so early in the relationship before I got really into him. I am also grateful for the ease of relationship, before the violence. How that was… it showed me that, that is a possibility. That it is possible to have an easy relationship, that it doesn’t have to be hard or awkward.

 

For me this is forgiveness. Letting go completely. Having no ill will toward to the perpetrator. Having no need for vengeance, for them to say, ‘sorry’ or be contrite or make amends. Just being free of them. Just being free. Being at peace.

Forgiving me for small things

For me in general I have a few general things that I have to forgive in other people. I am not in a romantic relationship so, things I have to forgive are the general type. Nothing major. 

Today though, I had an interesting experience. There is this old colleague that I sort of had a crush on. Nothing major. I remember once we had an interaction and …. Well.. I definitely made a fool of myself, because I was acting out on the crush and he brushed me off. Whenever I remember the interaction it always me feel bad, uncomfortable, kind of ashamed of myself… for behaving the way I did. I have always wanted to have behaved differently in general. 

Today the memory came back to me and the old feelings flooded over me. The old discomforts came back and the shame and feeling like I had made a fool of myself and that regret. It was really quick. 

Then the memory of my exercises also came back. I did them and in a few moments the feelings were not there anymore. I feel this ease, this not caring about that old memory at all. It feels OK now. 

I am just grateful that God brought the exercises to me so that dealing with these discomforts becomes easy and not anything that I keep having to carry it for the rest of my life.